This article is reproduced from the discontinued, but much loved Mainichi Waiwai column by Ryann Connell. Read more about this at the bottom of this article.

Note: Full Japanese translation of this article is available below, entitled:「エロ寿司屋で舌なめずりするようなご馳走」

Nothing like the fragrance of fresh fish to stimulate one’s appetite, right guys? We’re talking, of course, about sushi, one of the more popular comestibles to grace the Japanese table at mealtimes.

But only in Japan, perhaps, could one find such an creative means to appeal to two distinctly different physical urges. To find out more, a reporter for That’s Dan (February) journeys to Otaru, the Hokkaido port city on the sea of Japan, where he has heard an underground establishment is offering an erotic twist to this traditional fare. In fact, that’s the name of the shop: Ero Sushi-ya.

The enterprise attracts its male clientele by posting a flyer around the town that reads “All you can eat. 10,000 yen for 40 minutes.” Those who phone the number indicated on the flyer are given directions to the shop, located on the 3rd floor of a building in the city’s restaurant district. (The same building has a real sushi shop on the ground floor, but for reasons you’ll see in a moment, our reporter prefers to pass.)

Ero Sushi-ya commences service from 8 p.m. From the outside, its sign reads “sushidokoro” and it appears no different from any other sushi establishment. Upon entering, the visitor is welcomed with a warm “irrashai.” And just as in any conventional sushi shop, its interior decor features a counter with stools.

The resemblance, however, ends there: Behind the counter, the visitor will not see chefs brandishing knives or applying dabs of wasabi to balls of vinegared rice, but rather, encounter a smiling madam and a half dozen fetching females clad in happi coats with nothing underneath.

“Hi,” greets the madame warmly. “Are you a tourist? The course at our shop provides 40 minutes, including ‘honban’ (the ‘real thing’ i.e., intercourse) for 10,000 yen.”

By Tokyo standards, that price may perhaps be a bit on the high side for sushi, but quite reasonable as far as the going rate for nookie is concerned.

At most brothels, it’s common for women to work under a professional name. But the reporter notes with a grin that instead of “Fifi” or “Ginger,” the mouthwatering denizens at Ero Sushi-ya have adopted appellations related to local marine life. Posted on a sushi-style wall menu are names that evoke the salient characteristics of the ladies who toil therein: There’s “Maguro” (tuna) — an untrained newcomer who just lies there; “Tako” (octopus — apparently a reference to the “sucker-like” action of her “trap”); “Ebi” (prawn) — who goes in for twisted positions; “Uni” (sea urchin) — whose crotch is endowed with straight black hair that resembles the spines of her namesake); “Katsuo” (bonito) — who goes in for S&M and so on.

At the recommendation of the madam, the reporter opts for Miss Tokobushi (abalone). After a five-minute wait in a Japanese-style “play room,” she enters and greets him in a surprisingly husky voice. The action commences immediately. After wiping his “son” clean with a hot towel, she is soon sucking away. At her spirited encouragement, he manages to consume not one but two servings of, uh, abalone, in the allotted 40- minute period.

Satiated and grinning from ear to ear, the delighted reporter tells That’s Dan readers that there’s no better way to beat the cold of Japan’s frozen northland than a healthy diet of sea food, Otaru-style.

Japanese Translation: 「エロ寿司屋で舌なめずりするようなご馳走」

男性諸君、新鮮な魚の香りほど食欲をそそるものはないと思わないか？　もちろんここで言いたいのはスシ、日本の食卓を飾る人気のメニューについてだ。

だが、おそらく日本でだけだと思われるが、スシというものが極めて物理的な衝動をあらわす”クリエイティヴ”な手段であることが見受けられるだろう。詳細を知るため、That’s Dan(ザッツダン)2月号の記者が北海道の日本海側の港である小樽を訪れ、そこでこの伝統料理をエロティックに握って提供してくれる非合法の店の話を聞いた。実際には、その店の名前は「エロ寿司屋」という。

その店は写真つきで「40分1万円で食べ放題」と書かれたフライヤー(ビラのこと)を町の周辺のポストに入れて、男性客を惹き付けている。フライヤーに書かれた電話番号に電話をかけた者はその店の場所を案内される。レストラン街にあるビルの三階がそうだ。(同じビルの1階には本当の寿司屋が入っているが、もうご存知のとおりの理由で私はこちらの店はパスした。)

エロ寿司屋のサービスは夜８時に始まる。外には「寿司処」の看板が立っていて、普通の寿司屋となんら変わらない。店に入ると暖かく「いらっしゃい」の声で迎えられる。伝統的な寿司屋とそっくりに、カウンターと座席からなる内装だ。

だが、ホンモノと似ているのはここまでだ。カウンターの奥には包丁捌きの冴えるシェフも酢飯にワサビを塗るシェフもいない。微笑む女主人と、素っ裸にはっぴを羽織った5、6人の女性が並んでいる

「こんにちは」マダムは暖かく出迎えてくれる。「旅の方ですか？　うちの店は本番(日本語でセックスの意)ありの40分コースを１万円でやっております」

東京の相場で言えば、寿司代としては価格はすこし高い。しかしセックス代としてはかなりおトクだ。

ほとんどの売春宿で、女性達は源氏名を使うことが普通だ。だが”Fiti”とか”Ginger”(訳注：英語圏の一般的な源氏名か？)ではなく、おいしそうな名前の生き物の名前、地元の海の生き物の名前に関連した呼び名がエロ寿司屋ではつけられている、と記者は笑って言った。寿司屋風の壁掛けメニューには、働いている女の子の名前が目立つように書かれている。そこには「鮪 – 不慣れな新人で寝ているだけの子」、「蛸 – “吸い付くような”テクで男を落とす子」、「海老 – 体をひねった体位でしてくれる子」、「ウニ – 股間の黒々とした陰毛がうにの針に似ているところからついた」、「鰹 – SM担当(鰹は叩くものだから)」といった名前が並んでいる。

女将の勧めで記者は”トコブシ”嬢を選んだ。五分ほど日本風の床で待たされた後、彼女は部屋へと入ってきて驚くほどハスキーな声で歓迎してくれた。行為はすぐに始まった。暖かいタオルで彼のムスコを拭って綺麗にしたら、彼女はすぐに吸い付いてきた。彼女が猛烈に奮い立たせてくれたので、記者は 40分の間に一発どころか二発も、まあそのなんだ、出されたトコブシを平らげた。

満足してニヤニヤと笑いながら、満ち足りた記者はダッツダンの読者に向けてこう言った。「小樽風のヘルシーな海鮮料理を食べるのが、寒い北の大地で生きていくのには一番だ」。

〜★〜★〜★〜★〜★〜★〜★〜★〜

(The Mainichi Waiwai column ran online from April 19, 2001 – June 21, 2008. It was a much loved form of entertainment amongst foreigner in and outside of Japan. To any reader it was obviously not serious news, but it was a set of articles that portrayed quite well how the Japanese tabloids actually write about their own country. In 2008, a small number of Japanese people bought it to the attention of rival news groups that Mainichi was running an anti-Japan column on its website. With the bad publicity, Mainichi was forced to shut the page down, and take punitive measures against the journalists that were working on it, claiming that it was receiving opinions that were critical of the column, such as “its contents are too vulgar” and “the stories could cause Japanese people to be misunderstood abroad”. A perfect example of how Japanese consider what they write in their own script to be an acceptable secret code, that the rest of the world cant understand. When that same tabloid rubbish gets inconveniently translated to English to make light of some aspects of the Japanese people, it gets canned. Stippy.com finds this unacceptable, and will reproduce as much of the Waiwai content as possible in order to bring it once again to our computer screens for a good laugh. Of course we claim no credit for this content, and attribute it to it’s writers who were former Mainichi employees. Waiwai in its true and glorious form has been discontinued, but it’s legacy will live on at stippy.com for all to enjoy.)