With maid cafes where pretty young girls that ooze submissiveness to their “masters”, and “shuccho health” (出張ヘルス, basically, dial-a-prostitute) and soap-lands (sensual bathing houses with soapy special service) to vending machines for porn, and specialty shops with used high school girl underwear; Japan, at least on the surface appears one of the most sexually proactive nations in the world. Japanese men are as perverted (if not more perverted) than those in other countries, and as for the ladies, on top of being naturally feminine (with petite sexy bodies, skin that doesn’t seem to change complexion from childhood, pretty faces and silky black hair), the women of Japan have no misconceptions about what style – clothes, perfume and make up – makes a man stop in his tracks, and rouse that tingle in his loins.
When interacting with others, sex and everything surrounding it is fair game for a topic of conversation in Japan and, it is certainly not frowned upon by religious groups or society at large as it is in the USA and other countries. When it comes to secreting sexual hormones and sexuality in general, almost nothing is taboo in Japan – until that is, the day one gets married, or so it seems. Indeed in stark sexual contrast, Japan may be suffering from a sexual drought, where being totally open about sex and being sexy in general, doesn’t seem to be converted into the ins-and-outs of baby making when it comes to married couples.
Shown in these statistics, a recent survey by Japan’s health ministry found that as many as one-third of all marriages in Japan are sexless. The problem is now so widespread that the government fears it is a major contributor to the dramatic plunge in Japan’s birthrate (now only 1.28 births per woman). This sexless phenomenon is not only found in those relationships that are plunging down the drain toward divorce, but to the contrary, more and more couples that consider themselves healthily married (and have no intention of separating), have not had sex with each other in the last month or more (the common definition of “sexless” in Japan), with many saying that they have not had sex together in the last 6 months to one year.
According to the most recent survey of 41 nations last October, the average Japanese has intercourse 45 (and according to Bayer Pharmaceuticals as low as 17) times a year, compared with the global average of 103. Japan is repeatedly at the bottom of the list. Last year it trailed Singapore, which was 28 shags a year higher!
The term “sexless”, was first used in Japan in the early 1990s, but now is instantly recognizable to the Japanese as a universally understood concept, and widely discussed in the media. There are books on the subject and thousands websites and heartbreaking blogs discussing sexless Japan, while letters on the subject fill agony columns on “dear doctor”-type sites.
One in five sexless couples say they view sex simply as a nuisance. A small number cite the lack of a private space, because children or elderly parents often sleep just the other side of a paper-thin door, leading many married couples to even sleep in separate rooms. Mitsui Home announced recently in an Asahi Newspaper article, that in 30% of the new houses they build, the couples are asking for 2 “master” bedrooms. This is a shocking statistic, which shows that sexless couples want to continue living their lives together – separately! “We are sort of room-mates rather than a married couple”, one 31-year-old man, who had not had sex with his wife for two years, told the Asahi Shinbun.
There are many other theories about why the Japanese become less inclined to raunchy evenings in the sack together, but likely it is a mixture of some of these:
- Stress of work/life in Japan (maybe the taihen cloud?)
- Lack of understanding, and usage of contraception, especially “the pill” (who wants to use condoms with their wife!?), making sex with your wife viable only when you want to have a baby
- Abundance of 不倫 (furin, or extra-marital) relationships
- More and more Japanese women choosing career over family
- A tendency among Japanese married couples to feel an aversion to sex with their spouse, not because they dislike one another, but rather because they feel that they have more of a sister-brother relationship; the sanctity of which would be destroyed with a repulsive incest-like feeling, by what westerners would consider normal conjugal relations
The last point is an interesting one, as in the past, it has been traditionally Japanese women who complained that they couldn’t see their hubby “as a member of the opposite sex.” But in the last few years, there’s been an exponential increase in men who can’t view their wives as sexual partners either. While it is true that many Japanese married couples seem to be sexless in nature, they key thing to remember is that this certainly does not mean that they lack the desire for sexual fulfillment. While marriage and children may bring on a sex drought in the home, Japanese people who want (and in the case of most men, need) sex do not simply abstain from sex because they cannot see the feminine qualities in their own wife, or the sexual attraction of their hard working husband.
Japanese men love their companies; they live for work, and many don’t even think it is a problem if they don’t have sex with their wives. They have pornography and the sex industry (soap lands, cabaret bars, and dial-a-girl services, and trips to Taiwan) to take care of their needs, but their wives have nowhere to go. They just suffer in silence.. or do they? The divorce rate in Japan has nearly doubled in the past 10 years, with more women blaming their sexually inactive, as opposed to sexually errant, husbands for break-ups. Though they may not be seeking sexual pleasure from their better halves, married Japanese women are seeking intimacy from other sources (many even claim to have a sex addiction), leading double lives – being the good mother, while at the same time seeking out “Leroy” the lover, who is always lurking, and ready to fulfill her every desire.
Japan is full of temptation, and it doesn’t matter whether you are a housewife or salary-man, there is plenty of raunchy action waiting out there – if that is what you desire. Furin sites to find a (extra marital) “sex friend” partner are just as rampant in Japan as in other countries, however they are much more widely used by women in Japan to solve their sexless quandaries. For the more conservative ladies, sites like mixi.jp – which are neutrally classed as “social networking” spaces – are abound with profiles (men and women) looking for partners to secretly spruce up their sexless, but otherwise happily married lives.
Many Japanese marriages may be sexless, but this is only a statistic about the state of sex within marriage itself. In fact, there may be a good reason for the sexless condition of marriages here – Are the Japanese getting enough of the good stuff outside their marriages to keep them happy? I certainly think so.
Japanese people will never be sexless as individuals; therefore Japan is not sexless, so don’t let mere statistics confuse the situation!
(If you are married in Japan, or married to a Japanese, let us know what you think of “Sexless Japan” by leaving a comment below!)
Mami,
Wow…where to begin here? Nobody’s saying that sex is the be-all and end-all of a marriage, even though you seem to zero in on that point alone.
For your information, my wife doesn’t make a bento for me and I take the kids to school in the mornings and share in the household chores. The Japanese method of dusting just doesn’t cut it with me, so I take it upon myself to do that plus the cleaning of all the bathrooms and toilets.
Also, my wife has only a part-time job that brings in little money. Everything she earns she spends 90% of on herself. What if I just woke up one day and said “Sorry honey, with everything going on in my life and my busy schedule, I just don’t feel like working a full-time job anymore” to her? In marriage you work together to meet one another’s needs, and I think that some Japanese women dismiss sex altogether as non-essential, while still putting a high premium on brand goods and living the high life.
Did I say that I or other men require sex 24/7? No, I didn’t, did I? Once or twice a week isn’t unreasonable in my humble opinion and international polls back this premise up. Couples are having sex on an average of twice a week in other industrialized countries…Japan is an anomaly in this respect.
I also did not condone men going out and having affairs behind their wife’s back in response to their sexless marriage. Good thing that you’re not a betting woman Mami, because all the bars that I patronize are within a 5 minute walk of my home and as I said before I am doing nothing but talking to them. You would indeed lose that bet. I tell her all about the people that I talk to and she also talks to men sometimes when she goes out, which she also tells me about.
As far as my relationship with my own wife goes, I got tired of begging her for sex once or twice a week (again, this is the average in industrialized nations and not out of the ordinary and certainly not perverted) so I toned it down a bit. She did get worried when I quit asking for it and thought that I might be getting it elsewhere. 95% of the time when I ask her for sex, she would laugh it off and just say not now or tell me how tired she was. Funnily enough, when SHE wants it she cuts straight to the chase and tries to coax me into it (almost always when I’m not in the mood) or shows up in bed around 6AM fresh out of the tub and just jumps me. I don’t find this very appealing and I’ve told her that it’s ludicrous to deny me when I want it, and then to just demand it when she happens to be in the mood.
For your information, I have never cheated on my wife and don’t plan to do so anytime soon. The thought of having sex with someone I don’t love doesn’t appeal to me, and would never entertain thoughts of paying a visit to a prostitute either. Why do you assume that I didn’t want to have kids? I love my kids very much and am very active as a father. Does having kids mean that you have to give up on sex altogether? Is that the way you and most other Japanese women see it? My wife told me a little tale one time when she went for tea with a group of friends and they went around the table boasting of how little they have sex with their husbands. When one lady said that they do it once a week, she was roundly criticized for doing it too frequently and even told that she should go to the hospital because she was obviously “sick.” I’m of the opinion that the expectation amongst Japanese women to become sexless is quite high and some see it as a sort of rite of passage, so to speak. What’s more, I also think that in some cases that it is a form of revenge against the husband or a way of being a bit sadistic in denying him sex as a way to get her own rocks off by watching him suffer.
I’m not blaming Japanese women for everything that goes wrong in a marriage, but where there’s smoke there’s fire and if this many people are talking about this phenomenon, then there must be something there. If you’ve never met a Japanese guy that’s whined about his wife not wanting to have sex, then all I can say is that your exposure to Japanese men must either be very small or they don’t feel comfortable talking to you about their situation. I hear it all the time from both men and women who find me easy to talk to.
I don’t think it’s fair to say that “where there’s smoke, there’s fire”. The fact that a whole bunch of people think something doesn’t mean that it’s true. And I think trying to find someone to blame for the situation (Japanese women, Western men) is asking for trouble. I think what is productive is simply taking a close look at what’s going on. And what I see is sex taking an unhealthy role in relationships. I think the only healthy role of sex is as a mutual expression of loving emotion, literally making love. Casting it as some kind of impersonal biological impulse is unhealthy. Using it as a weapon in a passive/aggressive guerilla war is also unhealthy. I’m not against hedonistic sex, I just think that you need to recognise that it won’t do anything to help sustain a relationship of any length.
Sex should be something that brings a couple closer together. If that’s not happening, then you’re doing it wrong. And there’s no shame in that, because it’s a big ask, but you have to face the facts and deal with them.
I once read a Japanese man saying something like “the idea of sex without love is widely accepted in Japan”. So maybe the separation of sex and affection has some cultural basis, I have no idea really. But I don’t think us Westerners are all that different. But I think the bottom line is that if a woman feels loved she will want to have sex. And if family/work committments are getting in the way, it’s a shared problem, and not a time for assigning blame.
– James
Hi James,
While you bring up some good points, whether we like it or not sex is a biological imperative otherwise none of us would probably be here today. That being said, I would also say that nurturing and protecting one’s young is also a biological instinct and there is nothing impersonal about that.
“Sex should be something that brings a couple closer together. If that’s not happening, then you’re doing it wrong.”
I think that’s a pretty broad statement, and if love and sex were that simple that there would be very few posts here. Many of the women I talk to do in fact feel loved, but just don’t feel compelled to have sex with the hubby anymore. Perhaps we’re leaving out the “cultural” imperatives that I previously mentioned that can run quite strong amongst the Japanese?
Even when work/family commitments don’t really get in the way, sexless relationships in Japan abound. So much so that the government has become interested in the subject. Without assigning blame, I would think that we could at least discuss the probable causes of this issue? The problem with that is, that when you dig into an issue, there is always someone or something to blame otherwise the issue wouldn’t be an issue. Seems that we’ve become a little too PC in this day and age to effectively address issues and their real root causes.
Percy,
I’m an australian wife of a Japanese husband and i can assure you the statistics are true. It’s not only between Japanese woman and Western men that the marriage is sexless, but also between Japanese man and Western women. I’ve been married nearly 6 years and our sex life has dwindled to now being once every 3 months or about that. It’s mainly my problem and i admit that. About 2 years ago i started to get ill and the reason why we don’t have sex lately is i have a stomach tumor. My husband doesn’t ask me for sex because he thinks it will be too bad for my health. If i want sex i will ask him for it, or tell him how i feel, because apart from that he thinks i’m feeling too ill to do it.
That’s what love and relationships are all about. My husband might be chafing at the bit to have sex but he’s not, he goes with the flow because his love for me is greater than his need to have sex. Sex may be a “biological imperative” but i think compassion for your other half, and the love that you have for them should have more importance.
When we have sex, we don’t have sex, like James said, we make love, and it’s about two bodies becoming one. My husband cares about me, and cares about my needs too.
I can tell you that i have quite a few aussie/american friends who have japanese husbands too and they have no sex life either. Their husbands are all the same as mine in that they care about their wive’s health and feelings before putting the heat on them about having sex, and when they do have sex, maybe once every few months it’s meaningful, not some quickie in the bush.
I think it’s the evolution of every marriage to slow down in the bedroom department. Propably between a Japanese couple’s marriage they have problems because they find it difficult to communicate.
A Japanese woman who recently stayed with us who had been married said she never talked about sex with her husband, and never broached the subject of personal problems such as menstruation because of embarrassment. She said alot of Japanese women are the same and if they are angry they don’t say “i’ve got PMS” because it’s too personal.
The relationship between Japanese men and women is probably way different in the way they communicate about their wants and needs, and rather than “bother” the other person they just shut up about it. Inter-cultural couples however seem to be more open about discussion on all topics, and something considered “personal” or “embarrassing” between Japanese couples is talked about by between husband and wife in inter-cultural relationships.
My two cents. 🙂
Hi Percy,
As far as our species is concerned sex is indeed a biological imperative. But to digress for a moment, amongst humans there’s a lot more to it than reproduction, and its function (from a biological perspective) has a lot to do with forming strong pair bonds. Compared to other animals, humans take an extremely long time to grow from babies to adults, and require a huge investment of energy to keep them alive and healthy over this period. That’s why we need strong pair bonds, and building these bonds is one of the reasons why we have sex even when we have absolutely no intention of having a baby*.
As I said, love and sex is not simple, and getting it right is a big ask. I certainly don’t have all the answers. I don’t claim to be particularly successful. But I still believe that is what we should be aiming for.
I also think that looking at the situation in terms of frequency of sex is in conflict with the fact that desire is a dynamic thing, and more so the more experienced and jaded/bored you become. If we’re going to venture into cultural critique I would say that our western culture has an obsession with quantity that I have come to believe is misguided. I think we should reassess our expectations in this light. I’ve been having sex a lot less often than I wanted for a long time now, and I’m starting to think that maybe it’s not as much of a problem as it seemed at first.
Feel free to discuss the cultural imperatives of the Japanese, because I think perhaps you have a deeper insight into them than most of us.
“Something that is to blame” and a “cause” are two completely different things. “Blame” describes a moral judgement and engenders conflict. “Cause” is much more neutral. If you think the difference in semantics is unimportant, consider this. Lawyers assign blame, scientists seek causes. If you get a lawyer and a scientist to investigate a car crash, they’re going to reach completely different conclusions because they are investigating completely different things.
– James
* These ideas are discussed in detail in “The Human Zoo” by Desmond Morris.
A little about me. I am Australian and in my mid 30s. I hold a professional job. Whilst not Tom Cruise I feel I have enough charisma to get either an Australian girl or an Asian girl. I worked in Thailand for 2 years and whilst in Bangkok enjoyed the nightlife scene……before settling down with 1 Thai Freelancer (former sex worker).
On my return to Australia I took my father’s advice and went in pursuit of NON-Freelancer/bargirl Asian ladies. After dating a few Asian ladies in Australia (a 23 year old Taiwanese girl, a 42 year old Chinese businesswoman and a 34 year old Japanese professional) I settled for the Japanese lady. She was a Registered Nurse in Japan (qualifications are recognized in Australia), a Diving instructor in Cairns (on Green Island), service officer for a duty free store specializing in Australian wines (whilst she was studying IT full time) and finally an IT support person working for IBM. She is very middle class – having earned above average money all her life. She holds a Japanese bachelors degree in Nursing and has also completed half an Australian IT degree (that is quite hard stuff to pass!). She had been married before to an older Australian.
I have been married to my Japanese wife for 4 years and now have 2 young children to this Japanese lady. She is a very good mother and currently works as a registered nurse (earning slightly more than me!). She is a loyal loving wife. She is an excellent cook (certainly better than my previous Australian wife) and is very nice to life with. We spend time together each day discussing the day’s events and getting the children ready for bed. We share many hobby’s together – we both have a love for the finer things in life. She is a wonderful wife HOWEVER…….
HOWEVER I miss my previous Thai freelancer wife’s sexual affection!
Let me explain.
Whilst my Japanese wife has never denied me any sexual relations there is still something missing. My wife loves me yet she has the eroticism of a plastic dolphin bought from Seaworld. I said eroticism – my wife is certainly beautiful however she really does not try and be a sexual creature. Personally I have learned a lot from the Bargirls in Thailand! I tell my wife constantly SHE IS A HANDSOME LADY! ….. or words to that effect. I tell her daily that I love her and that I enjoy my time with her. (If the Thai bargirls can use this to great effect…. Why can’t I ?). I constantly hug her and kiss her. I tell her she is my “sexy girl”. I often use the line “where you go sexy girl?”
My wife enjoys my attention however when things turn intimate she is rather cold and mechanical.
There is something missing. Lately when I put my hand down my wife’s top she moves slightly away. I don’t like this prudish behavior. I once advised my wife to be careful when bending over in a certain short dress….. from that point onwards she wore tights with the dress. I told her I was just advising her to be careful…. Not revert to a prude.
I can remember my freelancer wife asking me many times “if I wanted a blo_job?” or even better….. “come here and f_ck my brains out!” I remember one time my boss had a bed delivered to my work. My freelancer wife came up to me and asked if we could “f_ck on the bed first!….. before my boss got a chance to use the bed” If I touched my freelancer intimately she would encourage the actions.
Middle class girls – whether Japanese, Thai or any other variety do not have the skills of a former freelancer. They do not possess the sexual confidence to pull off outrageous stunts! And those stunts are what make life so enjoyable.
Whilst I can see the problems in having a ex-freelancer as a wife there are certainly advantages. It is very similar to owning a car. A Japanese Honda will be reliable, safe and very middle class…… HOWEVER an Alfa Romeo will have passion, excitement and romance albeit until the next $2000- repair! (Yes I have also owned both these makes of cars!)
Yes I love my middle class Japanese wife very much however I can never forget the cute ex-freelancer who wanted to do nasty things on the boss’s mattress! I am just not so sure how I can explain this to my Japanese wife.
Hey man,
Can’t you see your “middle class” Japanese wife is already sick of you? She doesn’t let you touch her anymore. She probably feels like a piece of meat already.
Stop comparing her to what you once had. She’ll never live up to your expectations if you did. That was then, this is now.
You gave up the life with the Thai girl for her so just enjoy what you have. The thai girl probably can’t know what’s real and what’s working, that’s why she’s got sex on the brain.
I enjoy my life with my Japanese wife too. I enjoy the Japanese way. I appreciate her for all she does for me and we spend time the way we both want, not the man driving the relations. You got it all wrong.
AussieBob
not sure if you are a talented lover or not. that might be an issue.
a) please explain the logic of comparing a professional sex worker to one who isn’t? by the way, unless you know what you’re looking a professional can be very good at appearing to enjoy your ‘sexual prowess’. that’s her JOB! hint: it is not the moaning and calling of your manly name, ‘AussieBob’.
b) please explain why ANY woman wants to be compared to any woman for any reason?
i often counsel foreign men in tokyo one on one on how to have successful realtionships by first illuminating the STUPID things they say and do. NOT that the individuals themselves are STUPID, but they do and say stupid things.
be sure to read the numerous posts on this thread on what NOT to say and do before pointing out the logic of your responses to the two questions above (^ _ ^)//
AussieBob
not sure if you are a talented lover or not. that might be an issue.
a) please explain the logic of comparing a professional sex worker to one who isn’t? by the way, unless you know what you’re looking a professional can be very good at appearing to enjoy your ‘sexual prowess’. that’s her JOB! hint: it is not the moaning and calling of your manly name, ‘AussieBob’.
b) please explain why ANY woman wants to be compared to any woman for any reason?
i often counsel foreign men(some from this site) in tokyo one on one on how to have successful realtionships by first illuminating the STUPID things they say and do. NOT that the individuals themselves are STUPID, but they do and say stupid things.
be sure to read the numerous posts on this thread on what NOT to say and do before pointing out the logic of your responses to the two questions above (^ _ ^)//
to the admin: wordpress was not functioning properly, please delete 308
Hello,
Yes – I regard myself as a good lover…. always happy to give! Always happy to make her happy…. I have read many books and I am not affraid to go down….. THAT IS NOT THE ISSUE!
The technique is not the issue…. the issue is the Japanese mind set!
Regarding my ex-freelancer wife (former prostitute)….. PLEASE all understand that she is always a person still – A LITTLE RESPECT PLEASE. I always gave her the respect she deserved. She was forced into prostitution to support twin girls after the father/husband ran off with another lady.
Please refrain from all the disrespect I see generated here because I dared to tell the truth. Yes she was a prostitute ….. but once we were together she stopped all that. We lived together as husband and wife.
The ex-freelancer has sucessfully married another foreigner and they have recently had a child together in a western country. I stay in touch as friends. I basically ran out of money in a bad business….. and I had to leave urgently to repay debts. Nothing this girl ever did. She was the most honest person I ever met.
HOW HONEST WAS THIS GIRL? Well when things improved (and she was in this new relationship) I sent her AU$4,000- to buy back the 1ct Diamond ring I bought her – she was in a new relationship and did not want the ring but wanted the money for her children. I wired the money to her bank account and she fedex the ring. I was a bit of a small time diamond dealer – diamond was a 1.01ct VS2 I Round Brilliant cut stone in a platinum setting….. for all you diamond experts. I originally paid about AU$3500 for the stone but paid her a bit more as prices were higher at the time.
As for my relationship with my Japanese wife… personally I would never stay in a relationship without a good sex life. Sure we can skip a night if she is tired….. but no more than 2 nights skipped in a row thank you. When my wife told me once she was very tired I told her ok….. but you had better make time for our relationship tomorrow as I am starting to really hate you.
Life is too short for 2 things…..
1) Life is too short to wear a cheap watch (me – Breitling Navi, Omega Speedie, Rolex Datejust, Cartier Santos – her 2 x 18K cartier, Rolex President with diamonds, Rolex Datejust).
2) Life is too short to not get sex at least every 2 days.
You’re a PIG Aussie bob and bring shame to all us Aussies.
Bob,
It’s fine to vent, so please don’t feel that you need to censor yourself, just continue as is. Just to recap, you miss the passion of the woman you knew before. Now you’re married to a person with different values/behavior. You’ve told us that you consider your wife’s behavior prudish (compared to what you knew before). You’ve also said that you feel she is mechanical when it comes to intimacy.
I can’t help but notice you said you expect to have sex regularly, with no more than two days between. Do you think that regularity may be contributing to the mechanical feeling of it? What might happen if you did something spontaneous? Given your collection of watches, it sounds like you can afford a romantic vacation. What if you didn’t have sex for a while, a week or more, and then took a kind of dream romantic vacation? Aside from adding more variety to the way things are, you might consider couple’s counseling as a way to communicate in a non-combative way.
Again, I know it feels good to vent, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But it seems to me that by venting, it’s a way of saying that you’re not satisfied with the way things are. These problems seem entirely fixable. In part by good communication, and in part by compromise. I don’t think the psychology of dominance has nearly as much worth or benefit once you are married though. You might start by finding out more about what turns her on. It sounds like her being turned on would go a long way toward turning you on. Win-win.
Thank you Adam for your words of support.
Kelly – didn’t your Japanese mother tell you to say nothing if you are going to say bad things.
I am a very generous man…. however my time, generosity comes at a cost. That cost is affection and intimacy.
I will not put up with a sex-less marriage. END OF STORY.
We have never had more than 3 days without sex….. even when the children were born (the horrible 6 weeks window – thank you I only needed to wait 3 weeks in each case) I received oral every night once home.
The reason I am on this site is to learn how to stop my wife slipping into the evil wench many of you have already! I want to learn how to stop it without replacing the wife. (I actually like this Japanese lady… just wanting to end her prudish way with me).
If necessary I will divorce and remarry – this time a Chinese or Thai. This is my 3rd marriage so far.
I am not afraid of divorcing…. just like buying a car. The new model always seems better than the model you are replacing.
I am generous to a tee. Many big nice diamonds, 30+ pieces of Louis Vuitton (see I am accepting of her culture) and many big ticket watches.
[IMG]http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Louis%20Vuitton/ENTIRE%202009/IMG_0004.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/BOXSELECTION.jpg[/IMG]
SORRY if I offend…. But I am honest to a tee….
Why post on a forum is you are not 100% honest?
Please don’t be offended by my “self-made” style or brashness…..
I am a softie at heart. I am also a realist.
Please don’t be upset when I tell the truth.
Hello Adam,
Thank you for your kind posting… such a nice posting compared to Kelly (Kelly sounds like my 1st wife!)
To answer your questions:-
“What if you didn’t have sex for a while, a week or more…..” I WILL GO MAD. LIFE IS TOO SHORT NOT TO HAVE FUN. WHAT IF I DONATED ALL MY MONEY TO THE MORMANS? WHAT IF I GREW VEGETABLES IN THE BACKYARD? THERE ARE THINGS IN LIFE ONE DOES NOT EVER WANT TO DO!
“You might consider couple’s counseling…” IF IT GOT TO THAT STAGE I THINK DIVORCE WOULD BE SIMPLER. I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING BESIDES GETTING WHAT I EXPECT. I HATE COUNSELLORS, LAWYERS AND AUSSIE LADIES – BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER!
AussieBob
“the issue is the Japanese mind set!” as a result of culture, not likely to change. she is an adult. ‘LOVE’ often changes the mindset, that ingredient doesn’t appear to be here. by the sound of it, you have money, money does not buy LOVE.
sounds like your wife serviced you, difficult to discern whether she WANTED to please you or sex was just another task on the to-do-list and she ‘did you’.
spend your money on a romantic getaway. maybe she’ll be convinced to start servicing you again.
divorce is a possibility, if in japan, be prepared to lose the kids.
I totally agree with Mitaboy.
Sorry if my comments sound nasty but i don’t know why you ask about your problems and how to fix it. It’s obvious that she’s not going to change. And if you say, trading in women for another, like buying a new car, it seems like you’re objectifying women. They are just objects for your sexual service, nothing more. That’s what it seems like to me, from a female perspective.
Unfortunately, she has let herself be bought with louis vuitton handbags. It’s prostitution in a way. You reward her sexual acts with gifts, it’s just like paying for services rendered.
That’s the way I see it.
AusieB, you’re a real job aren’t you. How can you get on a public forum like this, and tell us how you want to replace your wife because she doesn’t wet your end like your previous whore bag Thai girl. Why don’t you just have yourself a daughter, and when she reaches age 5 have her suck you off when your wife isn’t erotic enough. Then you can orphan her out when she gets sick of your cum and bites your dick off. You really are a frikin nutcase, I can’t believe I am spending my time reading your shit. Go to Thailand and catch some VDs (at least you’ll “have fun”!). Fruitcake…
There are so many comments about gaijin men and their sexless lives with Japanese women.
What about us gaijin women here in Japan?? Do you think it is any better with Japanese men?
Sex goes right out of the window after a few years in a relation, once they know you are there forever with them. They don’t make any efforts to change it, sweep it under the rug and continue with the ‘gaman’ concept for the rest of their lives, just like their parents did!
I also want to add that having been in 2 long term relations with Jap. men, they never ever handed their paycheck to a gaijin wife or long term partner. I ‘ve always have had to work and pay my share and often his share of life too…
So here we are we want sex we don’t get any on top of the guy doesn’t give us any money or spoil us. It isn’t like we foreign women ever ask the guy for a $5000 Louis Vitton bag or crap like that!
Girls if you wanna have fun, don’t ever choose a Japanese man.
Cheeze
AusieB, you’re a real job aren’t you. How can you get on a public forum like this, and tell us how you want to replace your wife because she doesn’t wet your end like your previous whore bag Thai girl. Why don’t you just have yourself a daughter, and when she reaches age 5 have her suck you off when your wife isn’t erotic enough. Then you can orphan her out when she gets sick of your cum and bites your dick off. You really are a frikin nutcase, I can’t believe I am spending my time reading your shit. Go to Thailand and catch some VDs (at least you’ll “have fun”!). Fruitcake…
HOW ABOUT A BIT OR RESPECT FOR THE THAI GIRL…. WHY DO YOU CALL HER A “WHORE BAG” ? SHE IS A PERSON PLEASE….. WHAT IS WITH THE TERRIBLE INCEST COMMENT….. THIS IS THE WORST POSTING I HAVE EVER SCENE.
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/BOXSELECTION.jpg
I really do not like the abuse from the forum…. I entered this forum as a friend and I seem to have angered some people.
I thought the issue was sexless-marriage?
AussieBob
if you wanted to blow of steam, GREAT!!! you did it! mybe you feel better?
if you were looking for possible solutions
then read the tone of your your ““self-made” style or brashness…..” imagine if that tone would be conducive to receiving constructive feedback in a meeting of any sort then evaluate the responses you got here.
if you believe nothing of value was penned here, just divorce her and stop complaining.
“This is my 3rd marriage so far. I am not afraid of divorcing…. just like buying a car. The new model always seems better than the model you are replacing.”
‘3rd marriage’ things that make you go hhhmmmmmm, would you dare think, “I COULD BE THE PROBLEM?!”
‘The new model seems better…’ perhaps your powers of perception need development?
I WOULD LIKE TO RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING POSTING BELOW….
I do not take any notice of her bullshit moves…. I do not get discouraged by her moves.
I am about to have it out with her on this issue…. I will report back the results.
I will not put up with a non-providing wife.
A japanese proverb – A honorable salaryman without a job is a bum.
I uphold my end of the above bargain…. I expect service in return.
eg. you buy an SL Mercedes…. you expect a certain level of performance. If you don’t get that performance there are heaps of other cars in that market….. ie Porsche 911, Jaguar XK8, Ashton Martin….. need I go on?
She gets Mercedes Benz type gifts and I expect Mercedes Benz service.
************************************************
Shuji Ono
Hey man,
Can’t you see your “middle class” Japanese wife is already sick of you? She doesn’t let you touch her anymore. She probably feels like a piece of meat already.
Hi Bob,
Well, good luck with it. I do think you might be in conflict in a one way though. When you talk about the person who actually was a prostitute, you’ve pointed out that she too is a person as should be treated as such. But when you talk about your current wife, you compared her to models of cars and talked about a kind of quid-pro-quo of sex in exchange for a lavish lifestyle. If you hold both value systems, which seem to be opposites, it creates authenticity problems. You might find more peace of mind if you pick one way of thinking or the other — I’m not going to suggest which — and stick with it.
As for getting a mix of positive and negative feedback, it goes with the territory.
I think you’ll find happiness, but it may not be exactly what you have in mind.
Adam
For goodness’ sake, drop the car analogy already. Comparing women to objects is a sure-fire way to get yourself in a mess. If you are really serious about avoiding a sexless marriage, you’ll need to start thinking of her as a person with needs and feelings.
AussieBob, maybe your wife is like you? Did you ever think that she only objectifies you as a “money making machine”? Apart from that, you mean nothing to her, and she certainly doesn’t think that the exchange for you providing her with money means that she has to act like she actually likes having sex with you. I too am Japanese (female). But unfortunately my husband doesn’t provide me with Mercedes Benz. But, even if he did, it wouldn’t mean I need to change who I am, and act like I enjoy making him feel pleasure.
You said she still has sex with you, she is just not erochik enough for you. I can tell you one secret. Many girls I know only act erochik with their boyfriends at the start, because it is a novelty. But once they don’t like sex anymore, most girls just stop having it, and they don’t care about the guy. Most girls (except your Thai “friend” it seems) wont make their life into a constant act of looking like they get excited while pleasing your penis. You should feel lucky she still opens her legs for you anymore (I wouldn’t!). I think you are going to change girls for your whole life – just like some people find it important to change cars! But no car these type of people have ever makes them happy.
Mayu
you write well. would you consider being a guest writer for me?
if yes, it is okay for the administrator to give you my email address
Hello All,
My Japanese wife is no prostitute. I did not ever buy her. It certainly would have been cheaper to hire somebody for that! I can assure you about that…..
I bought her beautiful things because I love her. The fact the intimacy is below par now is part of the course. I am working at discussing the issue with her and seeking an improvement or replacement.
I am an incredibly loving, generous man….. I have bought her things that 99% of the population could never own…..
Please take a look at some of her (and our) beautiful stuff.
PLEASE TAKE A LOOK BEFORE CASTING ME AS THE EVIL OGOR!!!
HER WATCHES:-
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Rolex%20DateJust/PRESIDENT/IMG_0007.jpg
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Rolex%20DateJust/Ladies%20DateJust/IMG_0009.jpg
LAST NIGHT WAS FANTASTIC!
Probably best not to shoot from the hip (like I do here)….. take it easy – be firm on insisting but pleasant and nice on the surface!!! (Beat the japs at their own game!)
Had a fantastic session last night….. I provided service to her firstly and then had my fun.
I am going to resume buying expensive baubles for her!!!
Jap girls can be the greatest…..
LESSON TO ALL YOU GUYS – Take what is yours! Be that strong demanding Jap guy, insist on service….. but of course don’t be stingy…. Chanel 5 or other needs to be given to oil the wheels!
I spend big – but demand big! NOTHING IS FREE IN THIS WORLD!
MORE TOYS I HAVE BOUGHT HER….
South Sea Pearl Necklace (about the price of a car)
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Jewellery%20Collection/pearlsm.jpg
South Sea Pearl earrings – 13.3mm size pearls! AMAZING
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Jewellery%20Collection/100_0596.jpg
Hello,
I am in a loving relationship with my Japanese wife… we have 2 kids together and I have provided her with Luxury Goods which are so important to Japanese people.
I have a Japanese magazine called “BRAND MAGAZINE” in it features “HAPPY TIMES WITH ROLEX”
…does that mean you will be sad with a Seiko? Or miserable with a Citizen watch?
YOU SEE – I AM NOT THE EVIL MATERIALIST GUY….. THE JAPS INVENTED THAT GENRE YEARS AGO!
I just feed my wife’s desire for luxury with JAW DROPPING stuff……
And for all you people….. I am MIDDLE CLASS on MIDDLE CLASS MONEY! I bought most of my stuff USED – 2nd hand….
I spent years learning about LUXURY GOODS!
I DO NOT SELL THINGS THESE DAYS…. I JUST WANT MY JAP WIFE TO BE HAPPY (and provide the service I should be entitled to).
DIAMONDS I HAVE BOUGHT HER
Diamonds… where do I start?
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Jewellery%20Collection/Diamonds/100_1442.jpg
Edwardian Bracelet (over $10K)
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Jewellery%20Collection/100_0593.jpg
This is the way to get great bedroom experience when travelling….
ALL LOUIS VUITTON LUGGAGE…..
Only probably is that the luggage can not be used on a plane….. working class airport staff like destroying LV!
THIS IS HOW WE TRAVEL….
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Louis%20Vuitton/resort/101_1543.jpg
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Louis%20Vuitton/resort/101_1566.jpg
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Louis%20Vuitton/resort/101_1553.jpg
I think I was being a bit over-sensitive…. SINCERE APOLOGIES.
The important thing is to not put up with these Japanese Wenches lack of service.
Japanese women are some of the most attractive, beautiful ladies in the world…. it is a sin not to have regular sexual relations with such a cut, gorgeous lady.
It kind of reminds me of the guy’s who keep a perfect Ferrari in the garage….. 20 years old but with 1500kms on the clock….. such a waste…. so many good experiences missed! Or for some other guy to enjoy when he leaves/dies/gets divorced.
Japanese ladies like a strong guy…. especially 1 with a lust for luxury goods.
I am never stingy with my wife….. when I get a bonus from work…. she gets a present….. when I get an inheritance…. she gets some goodies! LIFE CAN BE GOOD!
Latest present because I just got a $10K bonus from work….
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Louis%20Vuitton/Alma/100_1529.jpg
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Louis%20Vuitton/Alma/100_1540.jpg
Couples whose sex life gradually drop off:
Many of the factors you have mentioned above are very valid, but there’s one more that nobody has mentioned yet.
The effects of the dopamine high during seduction/sex and the crash later when you come off it after climax. This is explored in depth in reuniting.info (I have no affiliation).
I think the Japanese just take a different approach to dealing with the affects of this.
Hello Relaxandflow,
I would like to reply to your interesting email.
I explained to my wife that the only DOPE in the equation is her if she withdrawals service…..
MY SEX DRIVE IS THE SAME AS IT HAS EVER BEEN! AND I EXPECT TO BE SERVICED WHEN I AM IN A MARRIAGE.
Thank god I am firm in expecting good service……
*********************************************************
relaxandflow
Couples whose sex life gradually drop off:
Many of the factors you have mentioned above are very valid, but there’s one more that nobody has mentioned yet.
The effects of the dopamine high during seduction/sex and the crash later when you come off it after climax. This is explored in depth in reuniting.info (I have no affiliation).
I think the Japanese just take a different approach to dealing with the affects of this.
as ‘arsenio hall’ used too say, “things that make you go hhhmmm…”
dopamine management…
buy the japanese wife expensive gifts – dopamine management
buy the prostitute(call girll) expensive gifts(or heck! just give money) – payment for services rendered
You must be sick in the head if you find it necessary to photograph and post pictures on the net of your wifes accessories bought by you.
There’s no way in hell that I would stay with a control freak like you.
My Japanese husband buys me stuff, expensive stuff, designer bags, but only because I ask him for them, and only because he earns a really good wage, higher than most people living in Australia.
He doesn’t “buy” me either. We have sex as a love act, not a bought and paid for act.
You seem to forget that sex is about LOVE not money.
If you wanted to own a pet, why don’t you get a kitten.
Women are not toys for your pleasure. You are a sick man. You need some help, seriously.
Does your wife know you photograph her possessions?
I WISH TO RESPOND TO KELLY.
Hello Kelly,
I have photograph the items for 3 reasons. 1) My insurance covers requires it and 2) I am a member on many other forums – Rolex Watches, Louis Vuitton, Jewellery and Diamond forums. I really love the items photographed and wish to share the joy of beautiful with people. 3) Photography is a hobby of mine…. did you like the photos?
I just bought my wife a bunch of brand name perfume and body wash. I want her to stay loving and not turn into an evil Japanese sex-less wench. It is an investment in my relationship with her. Money well spent.
Kelly – do you hold out sex with your husband? How long do you go between sessions?
******************************************
Kelly
You must be sick in the head if you find it necessary to photograph and post pictures on the net of your wifes accessories bought by you.
There’s no way in hell that I would stay with a control freak like you.
My Japanese husband buys me stuff, expensive stuff, designer bags, but only because I ask him for them, and only because he earns a really good wage, higher than most people living in Australia.
He doesn’t “buy” me either. We have sex as a love act, not a bought and paid for act.
You seem to forget that sex is about LOVE not money.
If you wanted to own a pet, why don’t you get a kitten.
Women are not toys for your pleasure. You are a sick man. You need some help, seriously.
Does your wife know you photograph her possessions?
Aussie Bob! Hahahahahaha. What a dick.
REPLY TO MARV….
At least I am getting some…. WHAT ARE YOU GETTING????
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Clocks/MVC-006F.jpg
http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq226/yuki69girl/Clocks/per1.jpg
I would like to respond to the following posting…..
As General McArthur once said….”Managing the Japanese is like dealing with 13 year old kids….”
Remember that and all will be understood.
************************************
as ‘arsenio hall’ used too say, “things that make you go hhhmmm…”
dopamine management…
buy the japanese wife expensive gifts – dopamine management
buy the prostitute(call girll) expensive gifts(or heck! just give money) – payment for services rendered
Mayu,
Thanks for your insight. It’s great to hear the other side of the argument. Do you mind if I ask you why your friends stop enjoying it? Is it because they were unsatisfied with their husbands? Do you think it was because their husbands weren’t good lovers? Do you think they would have continued if they enjoyed it more? I guess I’m asking you – why didn’t they enjoy it?
Mitaboy,
Stop trying to take it off line. Leave the interaction on line so we can all benefit from it.
Hills-zoku
“Mitaboy,
Stop trying to take it off line. Leave the interaction on line so we can all benefit from it.”
sorry, don’t know what you mean
Mitaboy, I mean comments 150, 216, 258 etc
oops. meant 358 (not 258)
hills-zoku,
please don’t misunderstand, not trying to take offline, i do not profit from it at all.
some people would prefer not to read comments to their issues that amount to target practice. those offers were(are) made and accepted by those in that category
A question regarding Japanese men for Mayu or any other Japanese woman on this list. Does your husband/boyfriend do anything to excite you or give you pleasure? Is there more to sex than him putting his penis inside you?
im 25 from the philippines married my husband an we live each other 2 years ago, i am very sexless women who always begging my husband to have sex with me, he always stress at work and many excuses when i want it, we have sex for once in a two-months, im stress how can i change it and i feel hurt when he is watching porn in internet lead him to masturbate. im so sad and always crying.. ilove my husband and i want him to the rest of my life and i know that he loves me too, im young not ugly and good body but i dont undestand whythis happen,
pls tell me what can i do?
i talk to him about this manner but nothing is changes
im still hoping he may change.
jen
somebody can advice me of this matter, i talk to my japanese husband lastday i tell him what my side and im feeling when he is doin this, but he doesnt want to listen what im talking about, he said that is normal to guy to masturbate and i know that, but i really dont understand that we live together and always hoping that he do the first move.. im so sad and desperate.. pls aomebody will help me, i need some advice
jen
jen
“always hoping that he do the first move.. im so sad and desperate.”
the solution may be EASY! first, stop hoping! waste of energy. second, you are not a japanese woman, make ‘the first move’ yourself.