36 thoughts on “Sexless article followup: we need your help to interview a Japanese “sexless counselor””

1. What to do when sex is not important/necessary for wife (in 40s)? To me the husband, I would like to have sex at least once/week. Wife couldn’t care less whether she had sex. Just last night, after at least 2 weeks without sex (I was sick for a while), I made dinner, did the laundry, gave child shower etc, kids went to sleep early, I asked when we could have sex. She answered aggressively that I was sick. I said I’m better now. So she said she couldn’t because I was on antibiotics. I told her I was done with it already. She said she was so tired from doing everything while I was sick. (She doesn’t work and housecleaner came this week). So obviously she was looking for excuses and kept saying things until she found one.

   When there is sex, she does have orgasm and it’s fine, but clearly she could go without sex for ages and not mind at all. She herself admits she is very stubborn and it’s clear she only cares about the kids.

   Thanks to Japan not signing the Hague convention on child abductions, divorce is not an option currently.

2. Doug,

   Sounds like an ideal time to get a mistress.

3. A great deal of foreigners I have conversed with have complained about sexless marriage. After discussion, I am under the impression that Japanese Women have no idea how to appreciate their own sexuality, nor realize their own sexual potential. I hold this impression on the premise that sexuality, in itself, is a primal and empowering attribute to the human experience.

   What I want to know is the following:

   1) Do Japanese women ever seek sexuality as a means to satisfy themselves, rather than those who may be enamored with them? Or rather, do Japanese women have any concept of what it means to draw upon one’s sexuality as a source of empowerment and confidence?

   2) Dwindling passion is true of marriages across the globe. But why so extreme with Japanese culture?

   3) Is it true that during “Girls-only” social gatherings, that wives will boast about how long they have gone without sex?
   3b) If yes, why is this even boast-worthy?
   3b-2) Do you find this behavior reprehensible?

   4) What is the current and possible future outlook for sexual attitude in Japan, as it pertains to a positive or negative attitude change within the next five years?

   5) If given the four variables, Attraction, Friendship, Passion, and Love, then in which order would Japanese women prioritize these in order to be most receptive to developing a lasting, and healthy, relationship?

   6) Is the general attitude of women in Japan one that secretly holds men in contempt?

   I may have more, but as of right now, my imagination eludes me. Thank you!

4. As I am a semi regular visitor to this topic. the patterns/stories are very similar. My situation is simlar to Doug`s but only more severe as we go months without any sex and my ideal frequency is about the norm (according to surveys available on the web) once a week, thus I know that my needs are not completely out of line for a Western gaijin males. On the other hand my wife is as described by many contributors, prior to marriage and kids fine with once a week and after kids almost nothing. She does not see anything wrong with this pattern as her friends, mainly mothers live, the same way. The only difference of course is her gaijin husband. The only problem is I just adore my 2 daughters (ages 12 and 10) and would find it extremely difficult not being able to contact them, as Doug pointed out the reality.

   As status quo is not an option, I believe my options are:

   1) Get a mistress, as many people have done.

   2) Leave and start a new life. I am a bit old to start another family, so I would contact my kids when they are adults.

   3) Force her to leave – I would probably be considered an above average provider and we do the Japanese thing where she controls the family finances to a large extent. She is your typical 40 something Japanese female, purchasing brand goods like we go to Walmart! I could take control and only provide her enough for food and necessities. This would drive her crazy and she would leave but in the meantime, she would torture the 3 of us. Not a great option, but an option nonetheless.

   What I would like to know from the counselor is what advice can you provide us gaijin males? Our situations seem to be similar, so in your experience what has worked to change the situation so the Japanese wife is more ameniable to regular sex?

   I do communicate clearly my needs and desires and of course do my share around the house and taking care of the kids on the weekends. on top of working my 60 plus hours a week. On the weekends, I am perfectly fine with her doing her own thing as I just love looking after the kids.

   I would also very much appreciate meeting this counselor as our marriage is nearing the end and I would like to try whatever to save it for the sake of my kids.

5. My story is similar in essence to many, but maybe goes back further in time and exhibits more of the evolution of this phenomenon. I’m a long term Japan resident – in and out over the years. Met her in Japan 24 years ago when I was living here. She was very beautiful; sex was normal (not outstanding, but quite normal). She didn’t live in Tokyo so sex was only on weekends when we could get together. Turned out she wanted to go to the US to study and live (I’m not from the US). So I pulled out all the stops and managed to get myself into business school in the US (a great school, no less) and persuaded her to come to where I was – the deal was that I would pay the rent. Upon arrival in the US the sex life lasted about 2 weeks – after that she started banning one item of foreplay after another, until there was nothing left to use to initiate the process. The other aspects of the relationship developed however. She began to learn English (she couldn’t speak much English when we met – all conversation was in Japanese) and steadily grow into Western/American culture. At the end of business school she left me and moved to another city for school. I kept on going out there to see her on weekends, and in a couple of years we got back together. I would try to initiate sex every weekend I was in town (travelled a lot and we still weren’t living together) but most of the time she would just take the foreplay and then refuse sex in the most bad-tempered, ungracious, blaming way. Eventually we moved back in together (at her suggestion, to save rent). Shortly before that I had decided that if this “virtually no sex” dynamic continued I would become so angry the relationship wouldn’t last. So I removed the weapon from her hands. I stopped trying to initiate sex. She was probably jubilant at first. That gradually turned into being perplexed. For my own needs I turned to hunting feral women on my business travels, or the occasional affair at home. After a while I realized you can’t conscientiously mix the “sex with the gf” and “opportunistic sex” modes because of the risk of catching something (even with 100% condom use). The casual partners are aware of the risk – the gf wouldn’t be. 17 years have passed since I cut off the nooky. I have moved back to Japan and she splits her time between here and the US. She has never seriously said she wants to resume having sex (although obliquely alludes to it now and then). She has never said she wanted to get married. She definitely did hope for that for a number of years, but never brought it up because she knew I would say sex was necessary for marriage. She always said she didn’t want kids, although occasionally she would say that she might want just one. In the end she screwed herself (as well as me of course). When it was all too late she realized she wanted marriage, a loving partner and a child. But it was too late for any of those. She had the guy who went beyond the call of duty to be with her, and who stayed through the years, and who she could live with in respects other than sex. But because she couldn’t solve the sex equation and because she was ambivalent about children, she couldn’t secure any of the things she realized she wanted. If I look at it objectively, her rejection of sex was both physical and psychological. She genuinely had some physical sequelae from sex that made it uncomfortable and troublesome afterwards. But there were probably ways to address those problems. Her biggest problem was that she could never get beyond seeing it as something exclusively for the benefit of the man; something she should dole out sparingly and charge a high price for in terms of concessions and virtue points in the relationship. I rescinded legal tender status for that form of currency. So my question for the counsellor is: how do you persuade women when they are still beautiful princesses to whom all the world kneels that once they choose a suitor it’s in their own interest to learn how to become a tiger in bed, and to remain so for as long as the body will permit?

6. Here are three questions from me. Thanks for providing the opportunity to ask them.

   1. Can you give advice as to how to express criticisms without hurting your partner’s feelings. My girlfriend does things in bed that I don’t like and I want to tell her, but it’s hard to find a way to say it that doesn’t sound like a personal attack. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Also, when my feelings have been hurt I feel like lashing out at her (not physically), so I wait until I have calmed down before saying anything. But afterwards it is difficult to bring the subject up again.

   2. What is a good way of asking your partner to do something for you in bed. Also, is there a constructive way to respond if they refuse to discuss it at all. When I ask my girlfriend to do something, it often turns into a battle between us. How can I better deal with these situations? A recent example was a time I asked her to give me oral sex, she refused and refused to tell me why or say anything at all. I got very angry and although I didn’t openly express my anger, it soured our relationship to the point where we nearly split up.

   3. My girlfriend is very inhibited. She feels very ashamed whenever she is naked (in both sexual and non-sexual contexts) and also views sex as a shameful thing. Is there anything I can do to help her relax about it? I don’t think she particularly wants to change her attitude, she doesn’t really see it as causing problems in her life and doesn’t see it as something that can be changed. However it does seriously interfere with her enjoyment of sex, and it also impacts on me, sometimes she almost makes me feel like a criminal.

7. “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’s” question is so important, I’ll second it. How DO we convince, and vitally prove, to Japanese women that a healthy sexuality is part of a healthy life? And by healthy, I mean that they learn to enjoy their bodies as well as the bodies of their partners, too!

   Has ANY headway been made in Japanese psycho-sexual health?

   Also, I wish to second “Bam482’s” questions. I want to know the answers to those questions, too!!

8. Just an update, a couple of days ago after a good dinner that I made early so kids would get to sleep early, I asked again when we could have sex, and she said she would, followed almost immediately asking me whether she doesn’t have to clean up dishes etc. Of course I said that it’s ok, but this highlights how she uses sex as power to get things she wants.

   This is really not an enjoyable way to have a relationship, even with the sex, and I ultimately blame myself for not finding out enough about her before getting married. I guess I was confused because before marriage there was plenty of sex, but there must have been a way to see it coming. I don’t know. I do wonder about whether Japanese women at a later age after marriage have less sex than American/foreign women. After all, there are plenty of stories how sex after marriage for American/foreign couples declines significantly as well.

   I’m no counselor, but having listened to Dan savage’s podcasts I can say that if this is an issue with your gf and not wife, then get the hell out of the relationship. There are plenty of other fish in the sea who will be more compatible with you on a sexual basis. For married guys with kids like me, it’s basically too late.

9. Doug – I also listen regularly to the Savage Love podcast. It’s entertaining (DMTFA!) but I always have to keep in mind that the callers represent a small subset of the general population. If I truly believed everyone was having such exciting (and often deviant) sex I’d be truly depressed. There are occasional callers who sound like us – and it’s reassuring how Dan always bitches that it’s so unfair the person who wants increased frequency/variation is always painted as the bad guy. So this particular problem seems to be universal, not unique to Japanese/Western marriages. But overall, it’s gotta be much more prevalent and extreme in our situation.

   Question for the expert. This article states “it isn’t the norm for Japanese couples to get counseling and there isn’t a harder topic to bring up with your loved one than a debate about who should be putting out more and why.” If that’s the case, there are only 3 possible options: (1) cheat, (2) leave, or (3) acquiesce. What if a husband doesn’t like any of these options – is there some other obvious strategy?

   Dude

10. I am not an expert on Japanese women, but one issue that I haven’t seen in this thread (or the one with the 500+ comments)

    One of the problems with Japanese women is they are rather intelligent and have problems with forgive and forget issues.

    My dear late wife (bless her soul), was very honest with me in our relationship.

    When we first met, she was a terrible kisser, and didn’t really enjoy the physical side of a relationship. 6 months into our relationship, she was a fantastic kisser, and we were like rabbits… and I was the one who pushed away her advances.

    After our child was born, she would push away my advances and say “No way, I don’t want to go through that pain again.”

11. Okay, I’m pretty young, so I can’t say I have much experience in marriage. However, in relationships, every now and then, my partner might get a little withdrawn. I think its the point where you get used to each others presence, and things cool down in the sex department. I’m not saying it happens to everyone, but when it happens to me, I take it as a cue to shake things up. From what I’ve been through, candlelit dinners, massages, scented baths, and proper BGM make all the difference. I’m not saying it’s some kinda cure-all, but it’s worked for me. Maybe it might help you?

12. So… I guess this interview is going to go online someday?

13. Kyle,
    Thanks for the reminder and sorry that we have been slow to get the interview up. We’ve had the interview and thoroughly enjoyed it. We’ll post another comment on this article as soon as it is up so if you want to stop checking back to our page for updates then please either register to receive comments on this article via email or register to our RSS feed. Apologies for the tardiness and we’ll try to get it up within the next few weeks.

14. “Worse yet, there are no obvious places to go. ” – what do you mean? What about Roppongi or Kabukicho for starters?

15. “We’ve had the interview and thoroughly enjoyed it.” – thanks for that. Is the idea to wait for another 100 replies before we get the next article? – Guess another few extra years won’t do any harm eh? 😉

16. Well, I am waiting too, but we dont have the right to demand anything here. I guess they have their day jobs. They have a subscribe function:
    http://www.stippy.com/subscribe/
    Why not use it, and just wait for the mail.

17. If the interview was in Japanese, it probably takes a while to translate all of it.

18. These two articles have been very good. If the follow-up only ever makes a change for the better in a few people’s lives then praise to them for finding the counselor – but you’re making excuses for them.
    I’m not sure what difference it would make if I sign up to their mailing list? It wouldn’t make them put the article up any faster would it? Or have I missed something there? I haven’t demanded anything I just get the impression that this interview has already been done “We’ve had the interview and thoroughly enjoyed it.” with someone who speaks English “She (yes! she) is Japanese but foreign educated. Who knows? Maybe they’re all too busy enjoying their newly invigorated marraiges to type it up? 😉
    In the meantime there’s always Stippy Friends and google ads

19. So, am I to assume the interview has yet to be posted? Seems like it should have by now but I’m not seeing it anywhere.

20. Dear Contributors,

    I am a long-term expatriate resident of Japan (western female). I have heard stories of ‘sexless marriage’ for years and from many disgruntled spouses, both foreign and Japanese. These stories, have, to my mind, a common theme. They focus on the ‘micro’ world of the marital relationship and fail to consider the ‘macro’ world of women in Japan, i.e. their access to self-determination and fulfillment on many levels. That women denied power on so many levels, negatively assert power in marital relationships, or fail to participate as sexual equals does not seem mysterious to me. I would be surprised, VERY, by the opposite response.

    I certainly understand how/why male spouses take this behavior personally and attempt to rationalize it, understand it, address it, fix it, in the confines of the marriage. BUT, these efforts do little to mitigate the myriad other influences/messages in the woman’s life. As a professional who has devoted years to the development and empowerment of Japanese women, I am pretty confident that the phenomenon of sexless marriage is an outcome of complex forces, while militate against Japanese women achieving ownership of their bodies or their lives.

    I would take a gander at the gender equality stats, and figure out what YOU as a concerned stakeholder in this society can do to redress these.

    Japan lags behind in gender equality
    MAR 7, 2010 18:26 EST

    GENDER ISSUES | HUMAN RESOURCES | INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY | IWD | JAPAN | WAGES | WORKPLACE
    -Atsuko Kitayama is a a Reuters translator and correspondent based in Toronto. Reuters is hosting a “follow-the-sun” live blog on Monday, March 8, 2010, International Women’s Day. Please tune in.-

    Japan has quite a way to go to narrow its gender gap and come closer to matching the disparities found between the sexes in other G7 countries, statistics show.

    According to the 2009 United Nations Development Programme’s Gender Empowerment Measure, the world’s second largest economy ranks 57th out of 109 countries in political and economic participation for women, with female legislators, senior officials, and managers totaling only nine percent of its workforce.

    The same statistics rank Germany 9th, Canada 12th, United Kingdom 15th, France 17th, the U.S. 18th and Italy 21st, while the top four spots are taken by Nordic countries.

    The World Economic Forum’s 2009 Global Gender Gap Index, which also tracks gender inequality, shows that Japan ranks 101st out of 134 countries, far behind all its peers.

    The situation in private corporations is also lackluster. The latest study by Japan’s Gender Equality Bureau of the Cabinet Office found that women accounted for only 4.1 percent of department managers in 2008. The number increased from 2.1 percent in 1999, but it still remains low.

    OECD Secretary General Angel Gurria, shared his assessment on gender inequality during his visit to Japan in November 2009, saying the country is not making the most of women’s talents when it comes to the workforce.

    “The opportunity cost of low female labor force participation is significant given the relatively high level of educational attainment of women in Japan,” Gurria said in a speech.

    He mentioned Japan and Korea were the only OECD countries where female workforce with a university education is roughly the same as those without an upper secondary education. He added many female workers are only part-time employees.

    “Japan is underutilizing the talents of its female population,” Gurria said.

    The Secretary General called upon the Japanese government to encourage women’s participation in the overall labor force, saying that the proportion of the female workforce between the ages of 25 and 54 is limited to 65 percent, “relatively low compared to other OECD countries,” he said. “Moreover, its share has hardly increased since 1994.”

    ///

    Good luck, god bless.

21. I’m going to take a crazy guess and postulate that perhaps the reason why so many Western guys married to Japanese women have problems is that they have awful game. They tend to act like passive, wishy-washy betas and their women scorn them for it. The advantage they gain from being white guys and automatically getting a boost in value for their foreign-ness allows them to date and marry higher value women than they might otherwise be able to do. Unlike guys back in the West, they manage to get married and reproduce before they discover their mistakes, and often end up paying for it.

    This may be behind the general state of sexlessness in Japan these days – the whole herbivore thing results in very weak men, and whether they admit it or not, women don’t like this.

22. Additionally, gender equality is total bullshit. Equality does not and has not ever existed in any sense. Encouraging female involvement in the workforce has heavily contributed to Japan’s birthrate problem. These women are making money at the expense of producing the next generation, a far more valuable contribution to society than female lawyers and politicians. If Japan hadn’t embraced the dead-end of civilization – excuse me, feminism – then not only would there be more jobs available to men to support their families and women would not have to work, but they would have the time and resources to raise the next generation and ensure Japan’s continued existence.

    Of course, unlike in the West, Japan’s situation is also partially the result of societal factors – kids see their parents’ cold and unloving relationships and want something different. It will likely take a strong cultural, philosophical, or religious revolution to change Japan’s course.

23. Kyle,

    Gender equality is intrinsically connected to GNP. Most commentators on this subject agree that Japan’s sagging GNP is linked to its inability to utilize its human resources, male and female. We don’t watch these stats because we are raging feminists. We watch them because we know this society cannot maintain competitive advantage absent a robust AND diverse workforce, and this includes women (single women, women w/families) non-Japanese, and older workers. As a law professor (male) stated in a recent panel discussion (Women & Work in Japan), this country is at a social and demographic ‘end-game’. Possible solutions are: women, immigrants, robots. AI is not up to this challenge and it is unlikely that immigration laws will be dramatically reformed in the future…language barriers preclude immigrants from contributing value in many roles – SO, it is women! And, it is not a matter of ‘if,’ only when and how.

    I would suggest that the declining birthrate, and sagging economy is not an outcome of women working, but rather women having to choose between work and family. No society exacts this choice with greater finality than does this one. Alas!

    Current family and work structures are unsustainable. One exhausted breadwinner (male) cannot support an extended family, and many exhausted breadwinners (male) cannot support an aging society.

    I certainly agree with with what you observe about kids not wanting to emulate the cold and unloving parental relationships they witness. How can these relationships change? I would suggest that they will change when men have greater opportunity to parent their children and women have greater opportunity to use their gifts in the workplace.

24. Sorry to keep you waiting, we finally got around to writing up the interview. We just posted it now. Please let us know your thoughts.

25. Sorry here is the link:

    http://www.stippy.com/japan-culture/rieko-saigo-interview-advice-on-sexlessness/

26. Why you ever married these sexless coochies I’ll never know. Try before you buy and bag up until your sure you’ve not bagged one of these poisonous duds..

27. Lol, how can couples stay healthy without sex? Think in the long term, sexless relationships will be boring and detrimental.

28. Pingback: Sexless article followup: we need your help to interview a Japanese “sexless counselor” « Education News & APP

29. japanese society deems marriage wasteful.
    keep single in japan

30. @Shedthegreen: “I get the impression that Japanese Women have no idea how to appreciate their own sexuality, nor realize their own sexual potential” — I think you hit the nail on the head. On my experience (4 years single, the rest married), I would totally agree. I have met no Japanese women who really “get it” (well, excepting one divorcee), though I`ve met a few who were quite Westernized and got close. It is kind of sad, if not tragic. Hell, even J-porn is sad to watch.

31. well me and my wife had all kinds of wild crazy sex nights and days in okinawa, japan then we got married and the sex was still good until she got pregnant then i was cut off for the 9 months and a few weeks after that. now all her time goes to my son she sleeps with my son i sleep alone getting any sex is like pulling teeth. so pretty much when my son was born sex was done in this relationship. I try to make time for sex i help her do house chores and things she needs to get done but still pulling teeth trying to get laid.

32. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1083726/Its-epidemic-hard-working-couples–sexless-marriage-survive.html
    or それは勤勉なカップル間の伝染病である-しかしsexless結婚は存続できるか。
    11月7日に

    12:42 AMのSadieニコラスの最後の更新済によってNatalia

    マーティンおよび彼女の夫アレックスが愛を毎晩作ったときに、2008日コメント(0)はそこの分け前によってが関係の時間だった私の物語に、当初加える。 彼らが前に10年結婚したときに、Nataliaはロマンスの生きた保存を誇りに思った。

    最初子供の到着の後でさえも、35歳の慈善の募金活動は赤ん坊の息子が彼の折畳み式ベッドで眠っていたらすぐ火花を行き、素早く彼女の赤ん坊の重量を取除き、そして膚触りがよいランジェリーに入れさせ続けるための超人的な努力を作った。

    しかしそれは前にほぼ9年だった。 今日、Martinsの結婚は効果的にsexlessである。
    長い就業時間はsexless結婚に伝染病をした。 しかし結婚は物理的な親密なしで存続できるか。

    バーミンガムに彼女の34人の歳の夫の工学キャリアの圧力と、屈強な抵当および緊張に満ちた家移動は決して克服されない恐れていないカップルの間で結合される第2赤ん坊の到着くさびを運転した。

    Nataliaがそれを置くように: 「どうかして、通常の生活は方法で持っている。 アレックスおよび私は夜に渡る諺の船のようである。 私達がベッドにころぶまでに、私達は性のためにちょうど余りに粉砕される。「
    物語は、当然、珍しくない。 実際は、本当らしい何百万の使用中の専門のカップルにすべての余りによく知られた鳴ることは子供との特にそれら。

    20のイギリスのカップルに付き推定1つはsexless結婚を共有し、「新婚旅行期間」のの終わりは長く数年の間結婚していたカップル間のずっとほろ苦い冗談の何かである。

    人RitchieへのMadonnaの不運な結婚は、崩壊まで先月導く18か月の間sexless友人に従ってあった。 重大な問題、当然、および性生活は事実上非存在であることに感じるカップルによって静かに頼まれている1つは、性のない結婚が存続できるかどうかである。

    それがまずないことをJanice Hiller、性関係を専門にしているコンサルタントの臨床心理学者は言う。

    「夫および妻が両方他の方法でよく得、それで大丈夫です親密の欠乏上の苦脳がなければ、そして」、彼女は説明する。 「しかしほとんどの人々、性のため結婚に本質的である。

    「1つの党は性がほしいと思い、他が、ひどく有害であり。 通常、拒絶された配偶者は愛されていなく、魅力がないですまたは無視されて感じる。「

    好奇心が強いであるそれ、彼女何がNataliaに従って彼女の夫は崇拝し、互いを。

    彼らはまた互いを魅力的見つける。 それらのどちらも10年の結婚の間に行くようにした彼ら自身が持っていない。 実際に1995ショーのバーミンガムで最初に会ったときに、取られる写真はやっと全然変わった。

    「私は彼に今日引き付けられるように彼が私についての同じを感じることを私が前にすべてのそれらの年だった、彼は言うのであり」、Nataliaを言う。 「私逹は私達が会ったが、私達間の磁気は強かった前に他の関係を有した。 Alex is incredibly handsome. He has a gorgeous, muscular body, a beautiful face and is unfailingly kind.’

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1083726/Its-epidemic-hard-working-couples–sexless-marriage-survive.html#ixzz1QqMxtgQ4

33. I agree with Bakkagirl. Japan is extremely patriarchal which spills over into their private lives. The home is really the only area where they have any power, and I should imagine they are protesting this through not giving up their bodies and minds to men.

    This, of course, has definitely has contributed to the fact that Japanese women have been refusing to get married for sometime now, and Japan now has the lowest birthrate in the world. The women here look at their mothers’ downtrodden lives and think “no thanks, not for me”.

    They know that in Japan a woman must CHOOSE between career and children, and just like Italian women, they’re opting for financial independence over kids.

    This just shows how obsolete patriarchies are. Some barbaric patriarchies actually force women to reproduce, but Japan is not as bad as that. But it is too patriarchal to convince women that having a child is a good life option. Countries such as Sweden and Iceland which support working mothers have a much higher birthrate.

    THe elderly men who run the country are hand-wringing about this one. “What could it BE?” “Why don’T Japanese women want children?”” Their ignorance astounds me. Make motherhood bearable for women and they will reproduce. Force them to choose between babies and freedom and they’ll choose the latter.

    I also think the “Japanese women’s power is behind closed doors” thing is bullshit.

    Yes, Japanese men let their wives rule the roost at home… but this is because even strictly patriarchal countries like Japan understand that you have to allow women SOMETHING. OTherwize none of them are ever going to get married. So the society says “No, you can’t have political or economic power or financial independance but we’ll let you be a good little consumer and spend your husband’s money and rule the home”
    But let’s be honest, who would choose to rule a prison cell of a house if they could rule society instead like men?
    The creativity of Japanese women is stifled and their main (only?) outlet is shopping.
    The Japanese women I’m friends with in their late twenties have no intention of marrying.

34. Hello Plumblossom,

    Coming from the heart of the feminist movement, Sweden, I can tell you that the situation here has gone from refreshingly “good” and “new” to creating the new singles capital of the world.

    Stockholm now has the highest parentage of singles in the world. High amounts of divorces without shared custody. (because the parents cannot get along at all)

    Why? Everything is gender equal here? The laws favor both genders? The women can work and have a family since the rules allow it? Shouldn’t everything here be fine and dandy?

    What is wrong with this picture?

    The truth is, that all feminists fail to see, is that if you allow both participants to be dominant in a relationship their fights become much more violent. Every single decision has to debated and discussed. There is no leader in the relationship. And if the parents disagree about how to raise the child? Well then it is an automatical divorce right there.
    So some men have chosen to back down in Sweden. Some men have chosen to become “herbivores” and act submissive.

    What happens?

    Outside of the relationship the man is simply not attractive to the female. She does not need him for financial support, emotional support nor physical gratification. They have battery driven toys that do a better job. Inside the relationship the man can never be a “stay at home dad” regardless of how much the couple wants to make that work. Swedish Society laughs at “homemaker dads”.

    We try and we try to make it work… but at the end of the day… The testosterone driven partner needs to hunt, provide and lead (dominate). The estrogen driven female needs to give care to the family, support and follow (submissive). It was never the females that went out hunting during the evolution of man during the stone ages. Even before language was developed. The child always was with the mother.

    Feminism is a fun experiment yet it is decidedly a failed project if you use the Swedish as a model. Women do not need men in Sweden. No need for our money, our support nor our offers of sexual satisfaction. This is happening in Japan too, just much slower and without the support of the government and lawmakers. Thus forcing the women to chose between family or work. In Sweden they do not need to chose… so they chose not to bother with the bothersome male at all. Having the choice does not automatically improve things in society. We all need money. Men need sex. And we, the men, need to have the bargaining chips in our hands to continuously get it.

    I know it is sad… But this is how it works and everything can be blamed on the woman… as usual. I am not even kidding. If women learned how to enjoy sex by themselves and enjoy it with their husbands, this would not be an issue. Men can always satisfy themselves. Men can always become satisfied with a woman in bed. Yet Women in most countries can do neither. Thus there is no reason for them to have sex. Women HAVE to tell their men HOW to please them. And to be able to do that they have to know their own bodies! They have to start masturbating early and a lot just like men do! There is no other way to solve this problem with gender equality and sexlessness.

    Women who know what they want and have a great sex life are more equal and have much higher chances to succeed in life as a whole. Be it in business or family.

    They should be able to chose, in a perfect world, but given the choice, and given the prospect of sad and boring sex… What do you think they will choose?

    To all men reading this article and whom are looking for females to become their wives: Ask your girlfriends to masturbate while you watch them. Do they know what they are doing? Do they even get wet? When they orgasm, do their flesh turn reddish, from the rush of blood, and their muscles inside their reproductive organs contract? Do they know how to pleasure themselves at all or are they faking every single sexual encounter and orgasm with you?

    If you have found a girlfriend that knows what she is doing, keep her close and never let her go. She is rare and she is a winner in today’s society. On ALL levels.

35. sexless partners should keep single
    you need sex in a normal marriage.

36. Thx for information.